Pain

During quiet times, like taking a shower, I often find myself thinking about my children. I relive the events of the day and consistently come up with ways I could have done things better, more Godly. Again, my flesh messed it up.

Today while reliving these events I came to the conclusion that if only I could get my son to understand that everything we do as parents is to help him avoid the pains we went through he would get it! He would want to do the right thing. It was brilliant, in my eyes. Yes, that’s it, that was my plan of action!

But then I heard it, the strong but quiet voice reminding me of my pain. The pain that caused so much hurt and sadness. The pain that caused so much loneness and rejection. The pain that caused so much isolation and mistrust. The pain that ultimately led me to the realization that the ONLY thing I can truly depend on is God.

It was the pain that created and solidified my love for the Lord. Without it, I wouldn’t have the deep relationship I have with Him today. I wouldn’t crave to know and understand scripture. I wouldn’t know He is always there. He has a sovereign plan for my life that I can’t mess up. So ultimately, I wouldn’t trade the pain for anything. In fact, looking back and knowing the end result, I welcome the pain.

And the voice goes on, it says to help him avoid pain isn’t preparing him for life at all. In fact, it will hurt him because it is through the pain that he will eventually know Me the way you do. So allow the pain, but use your energy and wisdom to teach him how to navigate through the pain. Help him learn to seek Me and know Me through the pain, so that it may indeed be used for My glory.

Allow the pain, hold his hand through it, but never avoid it. Always point to the end and the creator of his life. Encourage him to ask God more than me, trust God more than me, and to love God more than me.

When you give a man a guitar…


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When a young boy gives his dad his guitar

He will try to tune it,

When he tries to tune it he will realize one of the tuners is busted.

When he realizes one of the tuners is busted he will go to his tools to repair it.

When he goes to his tools to repair it, he will find the vice grips.

When he finds the vice clamps he will place them on the tuner,

When he places them on the tuner, he will strum the guitar.

When he strums the guitar he will realize it is really out of tune.

When he realizes it is really out of tune he will get his tuner.

When he gets his tuner he will strum the guitar.

When he strums the guitar he will feel that small flicker in his heart.

When he feels that small flicker in his heart he will turn the strums into a song.

When he turns those strums into a song he will start to sing.

When he starts to sing he will feel revived.

When he fees revived he will sing more.

When he sings more he will sing songs he loves to play.

When he sings songs he loves to play he will put down the child’s guitar.

When he puts down the child’s guitar he will pick up his own.

When he picks up his own he will play.

When he plays he will find an escape.

When he finds an escape he will be happy.

When he is happy his family will be happy.

When his family is happy his son will want to be like daddy.

When his son wants to be like daddy he will want to play like him.

When he wants to play like him, he will grab his guitar.

When he grabs his guitar he will see it needs some repair.

When he sees it needs some repair the young boy will give his dad his guitar.

 

 

 

 

A bit off target…

Wow –

Bam –

and there it hit me…

I have been spending way too much time studying and pursuing the many ways to help exceptional children….at the expense of my own.

I do not write these words lightly; the ink they use is full of pain and sadness.

Here I sit pursuing my Masters – so I can one day work one on one with special needs children. I love them, I love the way they think, I love what we can learn from them…I love that God made some of us so unique that we baffle man…but not God. There is a thirst in my soul that God placed there for children who may not be able to verbally express themselves but have an unmistakable glimmer in their eyes that speaks louder than any words. This is my passion and what evokes life in me, but why?

The why is what is breaking my heart. Many years ago we started to see signs that our son was, well, not on the same progression scale that most his age were. He was brilliant beyond his months, reaching every milestone well above schedule. We were pound new parents but we were also older parents so we had some wisdom and in our hearts we knew, he was different. After several years and some unique challenges we came face to face with an exceptional child. While many boast of giftedness, those who truly have it know the burden that comes along with the charm.

When faced with the reality I went to work with research and studied everything I could to better understand my child. Eventually I pursued my degree with a minor in exceptionalities and obtained my ASD Cert. but I missed something along the way. I missed my child.

I missed the cues that he needed me, I missed the opportunities to help him, all in all I missed the ways I could have helped him along the path that I was striving to help others on.

So here I sit, very late at night, oh so convicted and saddened.

And yet, here I sit with all this knowledge… am I really ready to put it to use? Will my theories really play out? Am I ready for this?

The answer is confidently…yes…

Why?

Because we serve a sovereign Lord. He did not give my son just a mom, but also a dad. A dad who gets him and loves him and would give up the world for him. He gave him a dad who would one night very late at night stand firm with his mom and remind her why she originally pursued all this information and education…to help her son. And with the firm support of his dad and the encouragement of his mom, our son, as unique as he may be is restfully in God’s hands and we will do all He requires in order to have him grow to be the man who loves God with all his heart soul and mind…Amen

 

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My thoughts on today’s news…

When things rock the church it breaks my heart. As I sifted through this current event I felt led to share my thoughts…

I recall going to Calvary Chapel what must have been over 20 years ago. It was still a very small church where everyone knew one another on a first name basis. Pastor Bob used to come meet all of us at Denny’s after church. There is something about one of his sermons that stuck with me and it is something my husband and I have often discussed throughout the “rapid growth” years of Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale.

As the then small church grew, pastor Bob shared his vision of training up another pastor to open a Calvary chapel out west. Eventually this growth became reality and pastor Bob became frustrated. One Sunday he spoke about his frustration and explained passionately that as the church grew, the biblical model was to spin off and start more smaller churches. He went on to fervently explain that if we lived out west we should be attending the church out west. The pastor was equipped and part of the original body. He made it clear that the congregation was not to follow Bob but follow Christ. This was a passion of his… I know this- I was there.

Flash forward 20 years and it has often caused me great sadness to see what Calvary grew into, not because I am anti-big church but I often wondered what happened to that vision and passion that small churches should rise up and replicate. I know that was Pastor Bob’s heart. I often wondered if he ever felt guilt or compromise or did he simply change his mind?

I may never know the real answer to this question but after today, I feel I have an idea. My prayer is that God did what Pastor Bob the man couldn’t. He plucked him up out of the machine and is placing him back in His control. While his sin is sad, I believe that what can come of it is a beautiful renewal and rebirth of the husband and father this family once knew. A new start, a quiet life. Why? Because sometimes when really bad things happen it is because we have allowed ourselves to mess up so royally that there is no going back, we have to get out. What if perhaps this was the case? I mean really, do you think Pastor Bob ever truly felt like he could step down or simply leave the ministry? Calvary Chapel was Bob Coy.

What I wish most was that we had our vision of a retreat up and running so that we could offer solace and quiet for this family so that they could hear those same words I heard when I went through one of the worst times in my life. “I am here, it is all gone, relax…weep, breathe, rest and let me care for you.”

God can care for His people without Bob Coy. He never NEEDED Bob Coy, or anyone else for that matter. What God does want is for Bob Coy to again be His and His alone. This makes me excited for Pastor Bob and his family; I am excited to NOT see how it works. I am excited to NOT see him in the limelight and I am extra excited to one day hear in eternity how God brought Bob Coy back to Him.

 

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Why we made this bloggy blog blog

As we settle into summer I realize more and more that my son, Jakey, and I seem to see all lots of life through different eyes. We thought it would be fun start keeping track of certain activities and events and each post the way we experienced it. Our hope is that it helps each one of us remember that we ALL see the same things but through different glasses 🙂